Sooo...School/apprenticeship started for me again today...And I already know that it will be a very, very stressful year. We're already at full throttle in the first week, and it will get worse, so much worse.
(I don't really think it's funny, oh well...) When I think about how much the last year already stressed me out, I'm a bit nervous when thinking about the next months. Oh, I'm sure I can make it, so it's not that. I managed to get awesome grades last year (mostly 1 and 2+, which is like A+/A), so I doubt that I will fail this year, even if some grades might be not as good as the last time.
But I still remember that I've been so tense and strained all the time, and didn't really have time to do anything but school stuff...I'm definitely not looking forward to that again, especially since it's probably going to be worse than last year.
And they told us the third year will be even more
stressful, with our one-year-traineeship going on and all...All this to get an equally tiring job (both physically and psychically ) where you aren't even paid properly...Nope, it's definitely not my passion, this kind of job. Otherwise I might see things differently...But I'm going to pull through. I hate giving up, despite me being far from self-confident, but giving up is just not my style.
Also, I still need two traineeships...One for six weeks in January/February (stupid dumbass unorganized school didn't gave us any clear dates though but they want us to already have a place for our traineeship, preferably yesterday. Logic?) , and one for our 'Anerkennungsjahr' (I didn't find the English meaning of it, but it's the last year of our apprenticeship and we'll spend most of the year in a kindergarten or an elementary school or something else, depending on what we'll choose. And we'll finally get paid, hooray. A pittance, but a payment nonetheless). Of course we will still have to do lots of school stuff, even if we won't be in school so often.
There's another problem though: I've already had traineeships in different kindergartens so far, and well, I did one traineeship in an ergotherapy office, and one in a retirement house (though I doubt I will go there again, it's not quite my target group
I want to try elementary school/primary school for my upcoming traineeship, since I realized that I don't like to work with children at kindergarten age that much. But I don't know if I might be even worse at working with older children, so I thought 'Hey, you gonna try that for the six week traineeship and then you'll decide what you wanna do for your one year-traineeship'). Well, apparently I will have to get a place for my one year-traineeship before I even start with the upcoming six week traineeship...Because of reasons. Ugh. Will probably choose elementary school then. Or a bilingual kindergarten.
Which reminds me of another thing that really bugs me. When I was still at my old school some visiting students from my current school told us 'Oh, that school is so great, you have to go there, they are so open-minded about traineeships in foreign countries and stuff'. Well, they are not
. Not at all. It's incredibly hard to convince them, and to be honest, after I realized that, and also upon realizing that this school is bullshit in general, (I'm not even talking about the teachers, I'm talking about the whole system and almost everything...Not about certain persons, some teachers are pretty cool) I didn't have any motivation at all to even try...So, no foreign countries for me I guess. At least for now.
Maybe it's even better that way. I mean, it still bugs me. Of course, I could've tried, maybe I would've even managed to convince them, because most of them know by now that I love languages and that I'm pretty good when it comes to our own language and foreign languages (well, I would be better if I could finally use and improve my skills in a country where they actually speak that language...), but there's another reason why I decided against it - my dog Fenrir. I would be away for a year, and he's not the youngest anymore...He's still agile and lively, but I know that death can come very sudden when animals get a bit older, and imagining I wouldn't be able to say goodbye just to 'follow my dream'...No, I'm staying here, for now. Maybe someday I'll get to fullfil my dream and go to England or the US or another country for a while (a Scandinavian country would be awesome too, their education system is pretty good). At least I hope so. One step at a time, I guess.
Haha, sorry for my rambling. :'D There's no need to comment (except if you want to, I like to chat
), I just wanted to write some of my today's thoughts down.
Greetings, and have a nice day,